Hatpinfet is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, confident bear.

Hatpinfet created Africa nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatpinfet, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hatpinfet, she will be very sad.

Hatpinfet's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Hatpinfet's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never think about bacteria.

3. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Erect five silicon sculptures of Hatpinfet on top of important buildings.