Flatomtlag is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, resourceful pig.

Flatomtlag created the planet Jupiter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatomtlag, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Flatomtlag, she will come to you in dreams.

Flatomtlag's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Flatomtlag's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not dye your hair green.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. You must love Flatomtlag.