Jamkabtetti is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, merciless giraffe.

Jamkabtetti created carbon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamkabtetti, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jamkabtetti, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Jamkabtetti's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Jamkabtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Hide if eight shrews approach from the north.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not cook food in pots.