Barnmadpag is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, slow salamander.

Barnmadpag created humankind five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barnmadpag, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Barnmadpag, it will refuse to believe in you.

Barnmadpag's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Barnmadpag's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed apples to whales while wearing dresses.

3. Always help sick sharks.

4. Never feed bananas to sheep while wearing red coats.

5. Never paint your chest fawn.