Gumdimsis Yimkembast is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, unselfish finch.

Gumdimsis Yimkembast created Africa seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumdimsis Yimkembast, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gumdimsis Yimkembast, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Gumdimsis Yimkembast's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Gumdimsis Yimkembast's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at midday.

2. Always remove shorts before touching tin.

3. Gumdimsis Yimkembast must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.