Dapnellzak is a god.

She takes the form of a small, witless swan.

Dapnellzak created a down quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Dapnellzak, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Dapnellzak, she will turn you into a tree.

Dapnellzak's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Dapnellzak's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat lentils.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics near nematodes while wearing black jumpers and balancing eight copper spheres on your neck.

4. Shun those given to sloth.

5. Always look after injured frogs.