Hakgoncub is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, conceited cobra.

Hakgoncub created dark matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakgoncub, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hakgoncub, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Hakgoncub's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Hakgoncub's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Hakgoncub loves moths, so they must be honoured.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Do not cook food in pots.