Taplarpfot is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, thoughtless slug.

Taplarpfot created Asia two billion years ago.

If you believe in Taplarpfot, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Taplarpfot, it will turn you into a rock.

Taplarpfot's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Taplarpfot's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear pink dresses.

2. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

3. Run away from fawn dogs, for they are unholy.

4. Never bounce near swans.

5. Hide if three capybaras approach from the east.