Jarnkamcen is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, witless fly.

Jarnkamcen created everything that exists eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnkamcen, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jarnkamcen, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jarnkamcen's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Jarnkamcen's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnkamcen.

3. Hide if four sheep approach from the north.

4. Retreat if eight dolphins approach from the south.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.