Pigben is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, bad-tempered tapir.

Pigben created snails eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pigben, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Pigben, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Pigben's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Pigben's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick tapirs.

2. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Pigben in the centre of the settlement.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not kill foxes.

5. Always take life seriously.