Hakzagdin is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, self-confident hydra.

Hakzagdin created the Sombrero Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Hakzagdin, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hakzagdin, he will turn you into a frog.

Hakzagdin's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Hakzagdin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Hakzagdin's name in vain.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Put Hakzagdin first in all things.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Hakzagdin must be the most important thing in your life.