Tarpsomfum is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, fussy owl.

Tarpsomfum created gold five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpsomfum, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tarpsomfum, it will turn you into a frog.

Tarpsomfum's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Tarpsomfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with envy.

2. Always look after injured otters.

3. Never point your head toward the north during prayer.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Capybaras are not to be trusted.