Padnurtqueeg is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, happy cow.

Padnurtqueeg created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Padnurtqueeg, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Padnurtqueeg, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Padnurtqueeg's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Padnurtqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Padnurtqueeg.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.