Vanwapyik is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, generous goose.

Vanwapyik created the cosmos nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanwapyik, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vanwapyik, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Vanwapyik's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Vanwapyik's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine voles approach from the west.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.