Pagbatpak is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, wise hydra.

Pagbatpak created life three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pagbatpak, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Pagbatpak, he will turn you into a rock.

Pagbatpak's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Pagbatpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never talk about comets.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never talk about goats.