Motcubsit is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, happy seal.

Motcubsit created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Motcubsit, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Motcubsit, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Motcubsit's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Motcubsit's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate geese.

2. Erect five gold sculptures of Motcubsit on top of important buildings.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near nematodes while wearing mauve shorts and balancing four aluminium spheres on your legs.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not chop down trees.