Lopbarnkin is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, blissful bear.

Lopbarnkin created a Higgs boson six billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopbarnkin, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lopbarnkin, she will turn you into a rat.

Lopbarnkin's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Lopbarnkin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep nine bats in a large pit.

2. Never think about black holes.

3. Never wear green trousers.

4. Never write about thermodynamics.

5. Always look after injured rats.