Don Gigbitquag is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, witty dragonfly.

Don Gigbitquag created vertebrates five million years ago.

If you believe in Don Gigbitquag, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Don Gigbitquag, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Don Gigbitquag's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Don Gigbitquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near nematodes while wearing violet boots.

2. You must pray to Don Gigbitquag nine times a day.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Don Gigbitquag.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.