Gomflankopfem is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unthoughtful alligator.

Gomflankopfem created the planet Jupiter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gomflankopfem, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gomflankopfem, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Gomflankopfem's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Gomflankopfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear corsets marked with brown.

2. Never gather eight dolphins near walls.

3. Never allow birds to witness sacred rites.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Gomflankopfem in the centre of the settlement.