Karpitjarn is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, selfish crane.

Karpitjarn created a photon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Karpitjarn, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Karpitjarn, she will send you a sign.

Karpitjarn's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Karpitjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo shoes.

2. Feed all hungry tapirs.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Run away from violet whales, for they are unholy.

5. Never talk about fire.