Kadgumgepmil is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, self-confident newt.

Kadgumgepmil created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadgumgepmil, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kadgumgepmil, he will strike you with lightening.

Kadgumgepmil's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Kadgumgepmil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Kadgumgepmil's name in vain.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Never think about solid mechanics near whales while wearing gray jumpers and balancing nine iron spheres on your legs.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Kadgumgepmil loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.