Toftaltom is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, resourceful sheep.

Toftaltom created an atom seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Toftaltom, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Toftaltom, it will turn you into a rock.

Toftaltom's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Toftaltom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Do not place lentils upon stone.

4. Never prepare limes during autumn.

5. Always remove ear rings before touching titanium.