Nurtmad is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, unthinking mouse.

Nurtmad created energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtmad, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Nurtmad, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Nurtmad's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Nurtmad's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never feed aubergines to squirrels while wearing green stockings.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ants.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.