Cebjigkimmifarfhogvan is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, compassionate seal.

Cebjigkimmifarfhogvan created the Sun three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cebjigkimmifarfhogvan, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cebjigkimmifarfhogvan, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Cebjigkimmifarfhogvan's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Cebjigkimmifarfhogvan's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Do not speak about corn.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near nematodes while wearing cyan shoes and balancing three silicon spheres on your feet.

4. Always make sure there are no horses in a building before entering it.

5. Never run in holy places.