Capranwap is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, boastful troll.

Capranwap created the planet Earth five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Capranwap, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Capranwap, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Capranwap's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Capranwap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

2. Feed all hungry goats.

3. Never think about asteroids.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never pour water over plants.