Afwigwansan is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, omnipotent hare.

Afwigwansan created Europe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Afwigwansan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Afwigwansan, she will turn you into a plant.

Afwigwansan's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Afwigwansan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to bats while wearing green kilts.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never look in ponds.