Captabnul is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, happy jaguar.

Captabnul created life eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Captabnul, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Captabnul, she will cry a lot.

Captabnul's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Captabnul's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Run away if nine snails approach from the east.

3. Do not keep five bats in a large pit.

4. You must pray to Captabnul eight times a day.

5. Do not take Captabnul's name in vain.