Lakflatpad is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unthinking cow.

Lakflatpad created time and space seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakflatpad, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Lakflatpad, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Lakflatpad's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Lakflatpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near birds while wearing pink skirts.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always wear orange.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Never laugh near ants.