Quimshavhiv is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, resourceful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Quimshavhiv created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quimshavhiv, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quimshavhiv, he will turn you into a duck.

Quimshavhiv's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Quimshavhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep three goats in a large pit.

2. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Erect a large gold sculpture of Quimshavhiv on top of all buildings.

4. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quimshavhiv.