Nuljopquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, generous hare.

Nuljopquaf created the planet Venus eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nuljopquaf, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nuljopquaf, she will make you grow a tail.

Nuljopquaf's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Nuljopquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Badgers are not to be trusted.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never talk about spacetime near hamsters while wearing mauve tights and balancing four gold spheres on your face.

5. Do not trade with those who eat apples.