Donloopbass Rulstikbell is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, smart gerbil.

Donloopbass Rulstikbell created time and space four years ago.

If you believe in Donloopbass Rulstikbell, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Donloopbass Rulstikbell, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Donloopbass Rulstikbell's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Donloopbass Rulstikbell's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never pour water over plants.