Ponfagflap Yaksakbif is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, staggering meerkat.

Ponfagflap Yaksakbif created time and space two million years ago.

If you believe in Ponfagflap Yaksakbif, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ponfagflap Yaksakbif, she will curse you with boils.

Ponfagflap Yaksakbif's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Ponfagflap Yaksakbif's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven lead sculptures of Ponfagflap Yaksakbif on top of important buildings.

2. Never mention swans.

3. Erect a large iron sculpture of Ponfagflap Yaksakbif on top of all buildings.

4. Feed all hungry shrews.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.