Xuckgepkemvan is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, confident armadillo.

Xuckgepkemvan created matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckgepkemvan, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Xuckgepkemvan, he will turn you into a duck.

Xuckgepkemvan's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Xuckgepkemvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt manatees.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

4. Never sit near turtles.

5. Xuckgepkemvan loves ducks, so they must be honoured.