Kapquimsag is a god.

It takes the form of a small, duplicitous parrot.

Kapquimsag created vertebrates six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapquimsag, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kapquimsag, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Kapquimsag's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Kapquimsag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about planets.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near badgers while wearing yellow tights.

3. Run away if seven tortoises approach from the south.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kapquimsag.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.