Zimkabtom is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, happy crow.

Zimkabtom created bats eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimkabtom, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zimkabtom, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zimkabtom's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Zimkabtom's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in gray.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. You must love Zimkabtom.

4. Do not dye your hair blue.

5. Do not speak about limes.