Mintiffon is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, irritating rat.

Mintiffon created the planet Earth five million years ago.

If you believe in Mintiffon, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Mintiffon, he will boil you in a big pot.

Mintiffon's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Mintiffon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Mintiffon must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not eat tomatoes.