Quagartgom is a god.

It takes the form of a large, ruthless raccoon.

Quagartgom created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagartgom, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quagartgom, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Quagartgom's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Quagartgom's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never look at moons.

3. Never think about eukaryotes.

4. Never go into red rooms.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.