Betjinhas is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, staggering fairy.

Betjinhas created Asia seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Betjinhas, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Betjinhas, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Betjinhas' most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Betjinhas' Holy Commandments

1. Never go into pink rooms.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Betjinhas loves swans, so they must be honoured.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.