Metpid Guthigpop is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, omnipotent sheep.

Metpid Guthigpop created viruses seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metpid Guthigpop, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Metpid Guthigpop, it will turn you into a dog.

Metpid Guthigpop's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Metpid Guthigpop's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine aardvarks approach from the south.

2. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in orange.

3. Always help sick manatees.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Never pour water over plants.