Tonkwonhub is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, bad-tempered ferret.

Tonkwonhub created the planet Saturn six million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkwonhub, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tonkwonhub, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tonkwonhub's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Tonkwonhub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never feed lots of strawberries to whales while wearing cyan scarves.

4. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.