Pitkimjad is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, fussy bee.

Pitkimjad created everything that exists five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitkimjad, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Pitkimjad, he will turn you into a rat.

Pitkimjad's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Pitkimjad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill voles.

2. Do not wear fawn clothing.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near monkeys while wearing red dresses and balancing nine copper spheres on your back.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Pitkimjad.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.