Omintofgem is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, selfish gnu.

Omintofgem created humanity four million years ago.

If you believe in Omintofgem, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Omintofgem, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Omintofgem's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Omintofgem's Holy Commandments

1. Always help cats in need.

2. Erect six platinum sculptures of Omintofgem on top of important buildings.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Never feed lots of figs to aardvarks while wearing magenta rings.