Tapmatteenzogvinarphak is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, self-assured goat.

Tapmatteenzogvinarphak created an electron six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapmatteenzogvinarphak, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tapmatteenzogvinarphak, it will cry a lot.

Tapmatteenzogvinarphak's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Tapmatteenzogvinarphak's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of bread to mites while wearing violet boots.

2. Never wear blue trousers.

3. Erect a large lead sculpture of Tapmatteenzogvinarphak on top of all buildings.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never wear skirts.