Hapfarkar is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, grumpy toad.

Hapfarkar created carbon twelve years ago.

If you believe in Hapfarkar, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hapfarkar, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Hapfarkar's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Hapfarkar's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Worship no other gods but Hapfarkar.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Put Hapfarkar first in all things.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.