Quaftapcet is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, smart bear.

Quaftapcet created life nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quaftapcet, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quaftapcet, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Quaftapcet's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Quaftapcet's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of order in the presence of children.

2. Always act with obedience.

3. Never pray while filled with anger.

4. Always wash your feet before prayer.

5. Do not consume cucumbers at dawn.