Joplinben is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, sapient mongoose.

Joplinben created everything that exists two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Joplinben, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Joplinben, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Joplinben's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Joplinben's Holy Commandments

1. Joplinben must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not wear zinc on your body.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not drink water in white rooms.

5. Erect six titanium sculptures of Joplinben on top of important buildings.