Volyakzag is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, charitable beaver.

Volyakzag created a charm quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Volyakzag, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Volyakzag, it will make you grow a tail.

Volyakzag's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Volyakzag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching silicon.

2. Never travel toward the east during autumn.

3. Pray only in firelight.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never think about cell theory.