Gunnurtshav is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, selfish narwhal.

Gunnurtshav created Africa eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gunnurtshav, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gunnurtshav, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Gunnurtshav's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Gunnurtshav's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never wear cyan tights.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Pigs are not to be trusted.

5. Never feed strawberries to capybaras while wearing fawn ear rings.