Kadstercun is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, impressive shark.

Kadstercun created Africa five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kadstercun, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kadstercun, he will come to you in dreams.

Kadstercun's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Kadstercun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill bats.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not eat nuts.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never think about dark energy.