Bigwonlog is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, humorless snail.

Bigwonlog created the planet Earth three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bigwonlog, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bigwonlog, he will turn you into a duck.

Bigwonlog's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Bigwonlog's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never go into blue rooms.

4. Do not dye your hair mauve.

5. Fast once a month.