Lopfemgen is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, omniscient dove.

Lopfemgen created viruses eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopfemgen, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lopfemgen, she will try to impress you with trees.

Lopfemgen's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Lopfemgen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

2. Do not kill goats.

3. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

4. Run away if five doves approach from the north.

5. Never hurt horses.